Money in the Bank?

Once upon a time, people used to say "It's money in the bank", meaning something safe. They also used to say "Safe as houses". In a world of failing mortgage banks, such expressions have a hollow ring.

My bank lost money. Mine. It gambled on my behalf. If I wanted to gamble, I would have gone to a casino and have some fun doing it; not to a bank. I now have to ...rob a bank to make up for it. There is no point robbing 'my' bank; I have to find one that has lost other people's money. Banking security being only marginally better than HM Revenue and Excise, the chances are ...they won't even notice...

The media will be full of stories: "BartlerBank has sent $2 zillion through internal mail in an unsealed envelope and now it's gone missing". The bank's governor will play it down: "It was $2 zillion of fake money; all forged really, used in inter-banking transactions. Nothing to worry about". The Banking Regulator, who was found in possession of some of the missing money, denounced BartletBank for using fake money for bribes, promising better supervision in the future. The Treasury offered BartletBank a 1-for-1 replacement of fake banknotes with real ones, just printed for the purpose. The Shadow Chancellor improved on that: two real banknotes of each fake one.

What? Did I hear you accuse me of rumour-mongering? Did you say that keeping the rest of my money in a sock under the mattress is an overreaction?